Different Storks for Different Folks

SUMMARY

When gay and lesbian couples decide to become parents, they are unique as a group in always requiring the involvement of a facilitating other: a donor, surrogate, or (in the case of adopted or foster children) birth parents. This clinical paper explores common psychological and social challenges gay and lesbian couples face when using alternative reproductive technologies to attain parenthood. Between the wish and the actuality of being at home with their baby, gay and lesbian parents travel a long and winding road of choices and chances taken. The parenting partners often consist of one biological and one non-biological parent. Issues of psychological/emotional parenthood as opposed to merely biological parenthood (including assumptions of potential inequality or differential legitimacy) must be reconciled in the minds, couple relationships, family of origin relationships, and friendship support systems of the partners before and after the child's birth. The family must also navigate others' questions and assumptions as they venture ever further beyond their intimate circle and as their growing child forms relationships with peers. Specific guidelines are offered for helping couples surmount these psychosocial challenges.     

Becoming Lesbian Adoptive Parents

ABSTRACT

Legal, public policy, and social biases make the process of becoming a family difficult for lesbian and gay parents. Currently Massachusetts prohibits discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation against individuals who apply to become adoptive parents, and allows second parent adoptions enabling adults to adopt a partner's child. We surveyed lesbian adoptive parents, heterosexual adoptive parents, and lesbian parents who used assisted fertilization to determine if the adoption process is similar for lesbian and heterosexual couples, and if lesbian adoptive parents are similar to lesbian parents who use assisted fertilization. The adoption process was similar for both lesbian and heterosexual parents, but lesbian adoptive parents perceived more discrimination and were more inclined to omit information during the home study. Lesbian biological parents found conception, pregnancy and birth “easy.”     

Adoption of Black children by White parents in heterosexual and homosexual relationships: Exploring mental health trainees' explicit and implicit attitudes

ABSTRACT

We investigated 163 (82.2% female; 73% White; and 91.4% heterosexual) mental health trainees' explicit and implicit attitudes toward heterosexual, lesbian, and gay White couples adopting and raising Black children. Explicit attitudes were assessed with a vignette depicting a Black child in need of a home. Implicit attitudes were assessed with the multifactor implicit association test (IAT) protocol. Explicit data showed that most participants indicated no strong family preference. However, IAT data showed that most trainees had implicit preference, with a moderate preference for lesbian couples over heterosexual couples and a moderate-to-strong preference for lesbian couples over gay couples. The trainees only demonstrated a very weak preference for heterosexual couples over gay couples. Overall, congruence between explicit and implicit is very low. Implications for training are discussed.     

Gay and Lesbian Couples at Home: Identity Work in Domestic Space

ABSTRACT

Social research into gay/lesbian experiences of home has tended to posit domestic environments as alienating for gay/lesbian subjects, silencing their sexual identities. Meanwhile, work on the spatiality of sexual identity more broadly has largely focused on individuals or communities, not couples or households. In this context, this article aims to recover the importance of home for gay/lesbian couples. I explore how cohabiting gay/lesbian couples generate shared identities through domestic space, examining various ways in which these couples use homes to establish and consolidate their partnerships. Empirical data is drawn from twenty-three in-depth interviews with gay/lesbian Australians who are cohabiting, or have cohabited, with a long-term partner. The sample is largely limited to white, educated, middle-class gay men and lesbians living in urban Australia, providing an ethnographic window into the domestic identity-formation of a particular community of practice. Four key themes regarding “coupled identities” at home emerged from the interviews: (i) the importance of privacy and control at home for enabling gay/lesbian partnerships; (ii) the negotiated creation and use of shared domestic spaces; (iii) the accumulation and arrangement of household objects in those domestic spaces; and (iv) the importance of maintaining separate “personal” spaces for each partner for the well-being of the relationship.     

What Shall We Call Ourselves? Last Names Among Lesbian,Gay, and Heterosexual Couples and Their Adopted Children

ABSTRACT

Choices of last names for both adults and children are important family decisions that are often made upon marriage or upon the birth of a child. The gendered nature of such choices among heterosexual populations is well known, but they have not been widely studied among lesbian or gay populations. We studied selection of last names among 106 adoptive families—27 headed by lesbian couples, 29 headed by gay couples, and 50 headed by heterosexual couples—all of whom had adopted children at birth or in the first weeks of life. Whether in selection of last names for adults or for children, we found that heterosexual adoptive couples were more likely than lesbian and gay adoptive couples to follow patronymic conventions. Thus, heterosexual parents and their children were most likely to have identical last names. For lesbian and gay couples, in contrast, the most common scenario was for both adults to retain last names given to them at birth and hyphenate them to create last names for their children. Parents in lesbian and gay couples offered more detailed explanations of their choices than did those in heterosexual couples. Explanations offered by heterosexual parents were most likely to refer to tradition, but those given by same-sex parents were more likely to mention egalitarian or practical considerations. Overall, we found that same-sex and other-sex couples took very different approaches to the problem of naming themselves and their children.     

Just Molly and Me,and Donor Makes Three: Lesbian Motherhood in the Age of Assisted Reproductive Technology

SUMMARY

The psychological experiences of lesbian mothers, both coupled and single, are compared and contrasted with heterosexual and gay parents who use assisted reproductive technology, focusing on issues of parental desire, fertility, babies conceived from science rather than sex, presence of an outside party in conception, genetic asymmetry, social anxieties, legal protections, disclosure, and gender. The psychological meaning of the donor or surrogate as an “extra” and “missing” piece of the family, along with the interactive effects of homophobia and “reproductive technophobia” are considered. Lesbian families are recognized to be constructing a new narrative of a bio-social family as they define and live their experience.     

A Comparative Study of Relational Interconnectedness,Merger, and Ego Development in Lesbian,Gay Male,and Heterosexual Couples

Abstract

One hundred ninety participants, including 34 lesbian couples, 31 gay male couples, and 30 heterosexual couples, were administered a series of questionnaires which assessed each partner's perceptions of relational interconnectedness and merger. The Washington University Sentence Completion Test of Ego Development (SCT: Loevinger& Wessler, 1970) was also administered to assess participants' level of ego development. We predicted that lesbian couples would be most inclined to relational interconnection as well as merger when compared to heterosexual and gay male couples, and that merger, postulated as a healthy process, would be positively correlated with ego development across all couples. Couples revealed occasionally experiencing merger and rated this experience as moderately important to their overall sense of relationship satisfaction. Ego development was not significantly correlated with relational interconnectedness or merger. Findings provided partial support for recent reformulations of merger as a healthy versus a regressive or pathological experience and did not suggest strong differences among lesbian, heterosexual, and gay male patterns of emotional connectedness.     

Are Gay and Lesbian cohabiting couples really different from heterosexual married couples?

Both partners from gay and lesbian cohabiting couples without children were compared longitudinally with both partners from heterosexual married couples with children (N at first assessment = 80, 53, and 80 couples, respectively) on variables from 5 domains indicative of relationship health. For 50% of the comparisons, gay and lesbian partners did not differ from heterosexual partners. Seventy‐eight percent of the comparisons on which differences were found indicated that gay or lesbian partners functioned better than heterosexual partners did. Because the variables that predicted concurrent relationship quality and relationship stability for heterosexual parents also did so for gay and lesbian partners, I conclude that the processes that regulate relationship functioning generalize across gay, lesbian, and heterosexual couples.     

Queering the Home

Abstract

In the West, the private sphere of the home is traditionally associated with the heterosexual nuclear family. Through social, cultural, and legal processes, the heterosexual bond has been constructed as central to the family home. Despite these dominant discourses, the home is also a space in which heteronormativity (or the unacknowledged assumption that heterosexuality is the natural and normal form of sexuality) may be subverted. This article considers how the domestic lives of lesbian and gay couples in England challenge the heteronormativity prevalent in dominant discourses of the home. Drawing on in-depth interviews with lesbians and gay men, the article continues to extend and build on the existing literature on queer domesticity by focusing on how lesbian and gay couples divide and understand domestic labor in their homes. The perceived normativity of coupled domesticity and childrearing means that on the one hand the lesbian and gay participants in this study could be seen to fit in with normative ideals of domestic family life. On the other hand, I show how these couples subvert heteronormative assumptions about gendered household practices through their approaches and attitudes towards domestic labor and parenting. In particular, the article focuses on the complex ways in which lesbian and gay couples destabilize traditional domestic gender roles and queer the spaces of the home through the seemingly unremarkable, mundane practices and negotiations of domestic labor and childcare.     

A Family Matter

Abstract

The 2004 debate over civil marriage for same-gender couples highlights issues faced by mixed-orientation couples after one of the spouses comes out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. The disclosure becomes a family matter as their spouses and children cope with the new information and antigay attitudes. The majority of couples divorce. A minority stays married for three years or more by developing strategies that enhance the relationship, offset outside pressures, and sustain the family circle. Peers provide the most support, while therapists are often unfamiliar with sexual orientation, mixed orientation couples, or societal attitudes that impact families with a gay, lesbian, or bisexual parent. This article provides that information so that professionals can help these couples improve the quality of their lives and develop skills to create a future in which homosexuality, same-gender relationships, and gay parenting are more widely accepted and legalized. This development would decrease the number of mixed-orientation marriages with closeted spouses and increase the potential for both types of families to form lasting marriages and strong family units.     

Difference and Diversity:

Some therapists believe that they should treat gay and lesbian couples ôjust like heterosexual couples.ö Others hold the view that same-sex couples are completely different from heterosexual couples and that only specially trained therapist can work with them. This paper is an attempt to over come the lack of information about gay and lesbian couple by describing the differences between heterosexual couples and homosexual couples; differences between gay couples and lesbian couples; diversity within both lesbian couples and gay couples; and the therapeutic implications of these differences. The discussion of differences has powerful political implications and is embedded within a larger context of belief systems about gender and sexual orientation. Therapist needs to protect against categorizing, essentializing, or over generalizing about gay and lesbian couples. Although heterosexism, homophobia, and sexism affect the dynamics of all gay and lesbian relationships, it is important to recognize that age, class, race, ethnicity, and physical ability, as well as the dynamics of each individual couple, make each relationship unique. The therapist, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual, should be familiar with issues specific to lesbian and gay experience within the dominant society, and, at the same time, be attuned to the idiosyncratic nature of individual couples.     

More than Surface Tension: Femmes in Families

SUMMARY

This article raises questions about the lack of scholarly focus on butch/femme couples and their absence in studies of lesbian couples and family-building. In an era of lesbian marriage and lesbian parenting, femme and butch coupling and family-building remain unspoken topics within family studies, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT)–specific research. Moving beyond a focus on eroticism within the femme/butch couple, questions about how gender expression impacts other relationships dynamics, including the maintenance of long-term relationships, power and intimacy, domestic chores and child-rearing, are raised. The femme role in “homemaking,” that is, building and maintaining families, especially needs further exploration.     

Boundary Issues in Gay and Lesbian Psychotherapy Relationships

Abstract

Gay and lesbian psychotherapists face unique challenges when working with clients who also identify as gay or lesbian. Of particular importance are the roles professional boundaries play in working with sexual minorities. For example, clinicians must decide whether it is in the client's best interests to know the therapist is gay. Issues of contact outside of the therapy hour also become important, particularly when the therapist lives in a small community, or otherwise risks the possibility of seeing the client in the community. This chapter addresses some of these issues, and poses options for therapists on how to minimize professional boundary or ethical violations.     

Workplace Problems and Needs for Lesbian and Gay Male Employees

Abstract

This article presents research findings pursuant to the problems and needs of lesbian and gay male employees, as perceived from a randomly selected national sample of employee assistance professionals. The research was based on a conceptual model for framing workplace interventions addressing issues of protection, inclusion and equity (PIE) for gay/lesbian employees. Findings indicate that heterosexual employees greatly underestimate the level of discrimination sexual minorities experience; women respondents were more sensitive to gay/ lesbian workplace issues than men; existing EAP and human resource services, programs and policies inadequately address gay/lesbian needs; significant differences exist between heterosexual and gay/lesbian employees' on perceptions of diversity training content and gay/lesbian EAP professionals feel the workplace is only somewhat “safe” for them as sexual minority employees.     

Mentoring for Gay and Lesbian Youth

Abstract

Coming to terms with one's sexual identity always has presented a challenge to gay and lesbian adolescents. Older gays and lesbians have useful knowledge to contribute to the younger generation, whose members usually lack role models of successful gay and lesbian adults. Mentoring programs that involve gay and lesbian youth and adults are an important, but overlooked resource for sexual minority youth.     

The Effect of Parental Gender Roles on Students' Attitudes Toward Lesbian,Gay, and Heterosexual Adoptive Couples

All of Canada's provinces and territories legally recognize the right of gay and lesbian couples to adopt children; however, widespread acceptance of this practice has not been documented. Using an experimental design, with 506 university students, the present study assessed (1) attitudes toward gay, lesbian, and heterosexual adoptive couples; (2) the sex of the child to be adopted; (3) gender role characteristics of the adoptive couple; and (4) predictors of attitudes toward adoption by same-sex couples. Using vignettes describing potential adoptive couples, the results revealed that gay and lesbian couples were rated significantly less favorably than heterosexual couples when asked about outcomes for the adoptive child. Participants were more likely to approve of child placements with lesbian adoptive couples whose gender role characteristics emulated the traditional masculine/feminine dyad as compared to lesbian couples in which both partners displayed feminine characteristics. Statistically significant predictors of negative attitudes toward adoption by lesbian couples were religiosity and non-essentialist beliefs about homosexuality as well as endorsement of modern homonegative attitudes predicted negative attitudes toward adoption by gay male couples. Targeted education for social workers and adoption agency workers should be developed to ensure objective assessments of prospective same-sex adoptive couples regardless of their gender role characteristics.     

The Transition to Parenthood for Lesbian Couples

Abstract

While there is a slowly growing literature on lesbians with older children, the literature on the transition to parenthood for lesbian couples is scant. The current study examines aspects of the transition to parenthood experience for 29 lesbian couples. Specifically, this study explores aspects of couples' decision-making regarding alternative insemination (e.g., who would carry and bear the child, donor type), perceptions of social support across the transition to parenthood, and availability and use of legal safeguards (such as wills, powers of attorney, and coparent adoptions by nonbiological mothers). Future studies should explore how single lesbians manage the transition to parenthood. Research on lesbians and gay men who are pursuing parenthood through adoption is also needed.     

Rural Lesbians and Gays

Abstract

The author examines rural helping professionals' perceptions of lesbian and gay consumers and the effects their perceptions have on the provision of services to this population, including the tensions that result when helping professionals' perceptions hinder their acceptance of gay and lesbian consumers. This article uses reports from helping professionals to supplement the discussion. This article challenges helping professionals to evaluate their perceptions of gay and lesbian social service consumers which may hinder their accepting these consumers so that practitioners may gain full acceptance of their gay and lesbian service consumers.     

A Client Perspective on Therapist Self-Disclosure

Abstract

Options of “coming out” in differing therapeutic modalities are considered. Modalities considered include traditional psychotherapy, alternative therapies, and managed care systems. Therapist disclosure situations are discussed from the viewpoint of both client and practitioner. Vignettes describing therapy experiences of adult lesbian and gay clients in a variety of clinical settings are presented. Clinical issues pertaining to therapist disclosure of sexual orientation receive consideration in terms of client self-determination as well as in terms of the options or limitations imposed by different modalities. Distinctions are drawn between disclosure in predominately lesbian and gay practice settings and disclosure in predominately heterosexual settings.