Such a shame—a consideration of shame and shaming mechanisms in families

Shame is a powerful emotion associated with the exposure of any aspect of the self that we wish to keep hidden from others. In its healthy manifestation, shame guards the boundary of the self and promotes a realistic self-appraisal of our capacities and our limitations. However, too much shame results in a sense of the self as fundamentally flawed, and can lead to lifelong problems in living. Shame originates in relationship to others, and most notably by how we are seen as children by our parents. This paper focuses on shame in the family context, the ways shame can be misused in the parent/child relationship and the effects of this on the child. Shame is put forward as an important, but neglected, consideration in child mental health and a core issue in child abuse. The implications for work with children and families are briefly discussed. © 1998 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.