Coming-Out Experiences of Irish Gay Fathers Who Have Been Heterosexually Married: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis

ABSTRACT

This study explores how Irish gay fathers, who married heterosexually in a heteronormative culture, assumed a settled gay identity in the Republic of Ireland. A purposive sample of nine men reflected on their experiences of marriage and separation, assuming a gay identity, and social and familial connectivity. Interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) indicated the suppression of gay sexual desires before marriage as a result of cultural homophobia. The coming-out process continued during the participants’ marriage. Extramarital same-gender sexual desires and/or transgressions co-occurred with existential conflict (remorse) and resulted in marital separation. The marital and family loss was experienced as traumatic, and suicidal ideation occurred for most. All the men assumed an openly gay identity after separating. Many established a family-orientated same-gender repartnership. Results highlight the individuality and significance of the marital and family loss for those who separate after coming out as gay.