What Shall We Call Ourselves? Last Names Among Lesbian,Gay, and Heterosexual Couples and Their Adopted Children

ABSTRACT

Choices of last names for both adults and children are important family decisions that are often made upon marriage or upon the birth of a child. The gendered nature of such choices among heterosexual populations is well known, but they have not been widely studied among lesbian or gay populations. We studied selection of last names among 106 adoptive families—27 headed by lesbian couples, 29 headed by gay couples, and 50 headed by heterosexual couples—all of whom had adopted children at birth or in the first weeks of life. Whether in selection of last names for adults or for children, we found that heterosexual adoptive couples were more likely than lesbian and gay adoptive couples to follow patronymic conventions. Thus, heterosexual parents and their children were most likely to have identical last names. For lesbian and gay couples, in contrast, the most common scenario was for both adults to retain last names given to them at birth and hyphenate them to create last names for their children. Parents in lesbian and gay couples offered more detailed explanations of their choices than did those in heterosexual couples. Explanations offered by heterosexual parents were most likely to refer to tradition, but those given by same-sex parents were more likely to mention egalitarian or practical considerations. Overall, we found that same-sex and other-sex couples took very different approaches to the problem of naming themselves and their children.     

Becoming Lesbian Adoptive Parents

ABSTRACT

Legal, public policy, and social biases make the process of becoming a family difficult for lesbian and gay parents. Currently Massachusetts prohibits discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation against individuals who apply to become adoptive parents, and allows second parent adoptions enabling adults to adopt a partner's child. We surveyed lesbian adoptive parents, heterosexual adoptive parents, and lesbian parents who used assisted fertilization to determine if the adoption process is similar for lesbian and heterosexual couples, and if lesbian adoptive parents are similar to lesbian parents who use assisted fertilization. The adoption process was similar for both lesbian and heterosexual parents, but lesbian adoptive parents perceived more discrimination and were more inclined to omit information during the home study. Lesbian biological parents found conception, pregnancy and birth “easy.”     

Naming Your Child in a Same‐Sex Parenting Situation: Identity of the Child,Parental Status,and Kinship Ties

In Quebec, since the adoption in 2002 of the Act instituting civil unions and establishing new rules of filiation, same sex partners can be officially recognized as the parents of a child. They are invested with all the rights and obligations related to parentage and parental authority, including naming. From a qualitative analysis of interviews realized in 2014 in Quebec with 18 mothers and fathers in lesbian and gay couple relationships, this article examines the nomination processes of children born from gay or lesbian couples in terms of the modalities of entry into parenthood (biological, social, adoptive). Beyond innovations and specificities related to means of family formation where filiation is only partially or not at all rooted in biology and their categorization as same‐sex families, the name passed to the child is often considered by those parents as a means to consolidate “social” parental statuses and fraternal links.     

Lesbian and Gay Couples Considering Parenthood:

When Americans reflect on what matters most to them, they often point to relationships with families and children. Historically, lesbian and gay Americans have faced legal, economic, and other forms of discrimination against their family relationships in general, and against their relationships with children in particular. Despite this history of discrimination, however, lesbians and gay men continue to form families, and many either are or wish to become parents. In this paper, I discuss special needs of lesbian and gay couples that are considering parenthood describe innovative services that have been developed to meet these needs, and identify directions for future research, service, and advocacy. Much work remains to be done before lesbian and gay Americans will be able to seek parenthood unencumbered by the burdens of prejudice, discrimination, and institutionalized heterosexism.     

Psychological Wellbeing Among Same‐sex Attracted and Heterosexual Parents: Role of Connectedness to Family and Friendship Networks

Increasing numbers of lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) adults are entering into parenthood. Previous studies indicate many of these parents receive little or no support from their families of origin due to family members' negative attitudes toward homosexuality. This study looks at the extent to which LGB parents report a lower sense of connectedness to family of origin and friendship networks than heterosexual parents and whether this has an impact on psychological wellbeing in either of these groups. Data were derived from two studies of parents: Work, Love, Play, a study of Australian and New Zealand LGB parents (n=324); and the Longitudinal Study of Australian Children, a population‐based study of young children and parents (n=6460). Structural equation modelling was used to explore the relationships between: parent sexuality and family/friendship connectedness, family/friendship connectedness and psychological wellbeing, parent sexuality and psychological wellbeing. LGB parents reported feeling less connected to their families of origin but more connected to their friendship groups than heterosexual parents. Counter to previous studies, we found no difference in the psychological wellbeing of LGB parents compared to heterosexual parents when examining the direct effect of sexuality on psychological wellbeing. Clinical implications for counsellors and family therapists are discussed.     

Out of the Darkness: Three Waves of Family Research and the Emergence of Family Therapy for Lesbian and Gay People

Like family relationships themselves, the history and treatment of lesbian and gay people and their families is complicated. For this paper, three waves of research on the families of gay and lesbian individuals are described. During the first wave, gay and lesbian sexual orientation was seen as a disease and family dynamics were blamed for its genesis. Subsequently in the second wave it was believed that, fearing rejection many gay and lesbian people either distanced or were rejected from their own families and established friendship networks that have been described as families of choice. More recently, in the third wave, the family has been identified as a resource for lesbian and gay youth whereby open relationships with parents can help protect them from mental illness, substance abuse, and HIV risk. Furthermore, an increasing number of same-sex couples are choosing to become parents, overcoming biological and social obstacles. In this article these shifting views of the role of family in the lives of lesbian and gay people will be described along with case material that illustrates the historic influences, current developments and future directions of family treatment for this population. To be maximally effective with gay and lesbian people and their families, clinical social workers and other mental health professionals must understand how family therapy has been influenced by a progression of ideas that continue to evolve. In this paper, research examining the role of the family in the lives of lesbian and gay people will be described in three waves; as a source of blame, to an impediment to gay and lesbian happiness and ultimately a resource that can enhance lesbian and gay well-being. The influences of research on family therapy with this population will be described and case examples will demonstrate how to harness the strengths of family relationships identified in the most recent wave.     

A Family Matter

Abstract

The 2004 debate over civil marriage for same-gender couples highlights issues faced by mixed-orientation couples after one of the spouses comes out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. The disclosure becomes a family matter as their spouses and children cope with the new information and antigay attitudes. The majority of couples divorce. A minority stays married for three years or more by developing strategies that enhance the relationship, offset outside pressures, and sustain the family circle. Peers provide the most support, while therapists are often unfamiliar with sexual orientation, mixed orientation couples, or societal attitudes that impact families with a gay, lesbian, or bisexual parent. This article provides that information so that professionals can help these couples improve the quality of their lives and develop skills to create a future in which homosexuality, same-gender relationships, and gay parenting are more widely accepted and legalized. This development would decrease the number of mixed-orientation marriages with closeted spouses and increase the potential for both types of families to form lasting marriages and strong family units.     

The Attitudes of Australian Heterosexuals Toward Same-Sex Parents

SUMMARY

This is the first study of attitudes of Australian heterosexuals toward heterosexual, gay male, and lesbian parents and the children raised by these parents. A sample of Australian heterosexual males and females read one of six vignettes describing a family situation. Participants assessed the parents' emotional stability, responsibility, and competence; how loving, sensitive, and nurturing they were; the amount of quality time they spent with their child; and their ability to be good role models. Results indicated participants held negative attitudes toward gay male and lesbian same-sex parents. Participants believed that children raised by same-sex parents are more likely to experience confusion over their sexual orientation and gender identity, more likely to be homosexual, and more likely to experience strained peer relationships as well as stigma and teasing than children raised by heterosexual parents. Level of sexual prejudice was the key predictor of attitudes toward same-sex parents and the expected outcomes for their children. Being male, older, and having fewer children were additional predictors of attitudes towards same-sex parents, whereas being older and less religious was associated with expected negative outcomes for the children. Substantial attitudinal shifts are required before gay male and lesbian parents and their children are fully accepted into Australian communities.     

The Development and Initial Validation of the COPLAG Scale: Measuring the Concerns of Parents of Lesbians and Gays

This article discusses the development and initial validation of a scale designed to assess parents’ concerns upon their learning about their children's gay or lesbian sexual orientations. Principal Component Analysis (PCA) of the scale's items resulted in a three-factor solution distinguishing among parental concerns about (1) their children's physical, psychological, and social well-being, (2) themselves as parents of gay or lesbian children, and (3) being rejected by loved ones.     

Are Gay and Lesbian cohabiting couples really different from heterosexual married couples?

Both partners from gay and lesbian cohabiting couples without children were compared longitudinally with both partners from heterosexual married couples with children (N at first assessment = 80, 53, and 80 couples, respectively) on variables from 5 domains indicative of relationship health. For 50% of the comparisons, gay and lesbian partners did not differ from heterosexual partners. Seventy‐eight percent of the comparisons on which differences were found indicated that gay or lesbian partners functioned better than heterosexual partners did. Because the variables that predicted concurrent relationship quality and relationship stability for heterosexual parents also did so for gay and lesbian partners, I conclude that the processes that regulate relationship functioning generalize across gay, lesbian, and heterosexual couples.     

“When You’re Sitting on the Fence,Hope's the Hardest Part”: Challenges and Experiences of Heterosexual and Same-Sex Couples Adopting Through the Child Welfare System

This study of 84 foster-to-adopt parents (42 lesbian, gay, and heterosexual couples) examined the challenges that parents faced as they navigated multiple systems during the post-placement period. Some participants described the legal insecurity associated with their role as foster-to-adopt parents as impacting their well-being and attachment. Lack of support services, disorganization within social service agencies, and strained relationships with birth parents were also identified as stressors. Lesbian and gay participants faced additional concerns regarding the security of their placement due to the possibility for discrimination. Participants as a whole identified positive aspects of their experiences within various systems (e.g., supportive social workers).     

Why Adoption? Gay,Lesbian, and Heterosexual Adoptive Parents’ Reproductive Experiences and Reasons for Adoption

This study aimed to explore the experiences of gay, lesbian, and heterosexual adoptive parents from 130 families. Parents’ reproductive experiences prior to adoption and their reasons for choosing to adopt were compared. Heterosexual couples were more likely to have experienced infertility than same-sex couples. Same-sex couples were more likely to prefer adoption over other routes to parenthood. Parents in all three family types selected their route to parenthood according to normative expectations, attitudes to biogenetic parenthood, ease of access, and moral reasoning. Same-sex couples’ decisions were enabled by the non-discriminatory sociolegal context of the United Kingdom.     

Freud,Grafenberg, and the neglected vagina: Thoughts concerning an historical omission in sexology

Because similarity between partners has been thought to be related to relationship quality, this study assessed similarities between partners in 44 married, 35 heterosexual cohabiting, 50 gay, and 56 lesbian couples on demographic characteristics, appraisals of relationship quality, and factors predictive of relationship quality. With regard to demographic characteristics: Partners' age was correlated for each type of couple; partners' income, education, and job prestige were correlated only for heterosexual cohabiting couples; and gay partners had the largest discrepancies in age, income, and education. With regard to appraisals of relationship quality: Partners' scores were correlated for each type of couple on relationship satisfaction but for only gay and lesbian couples on love for partner; partners across all couples differed in their assessments of relationship quality. With regard to the predictors of relationship quality: Partner scores were correlated for each type of couple only on shared decision making; these predictor scores were most frequently correlated for lesbian partners; differences between partners were least for lesbian couples on attractions to the relationship and perceived family support and greatest for cohabiting couples on dyadic attachment. Relationship quality was not related to discrepancies between partners' demographic variables but was negatively related to discrepancies in partners' dyadic attachment. In conclusion, partner homogamy was most pervasive in lesbian couples, and for all couples homogamy on dyadic attachment was related to relationship quality.     

Use of Assisted Reproductive Technology and Gay and Lesbian Couples

Abstract

There are various reproductive health options for gay and lesbian couples who want to become biological parents. However, there remains controversy regarding the use of assisted reproductive technology for gay and lesbian couples. This article describes assisted reproductive technology options for gay and lesbian couples, socio-cultural and gender issues, ethical and legal considerations that influence access to reproduction options, and implications for counseling.     

May–December Lesbian Relationships: Power Storms or Blue Skies?

SUMMARY

What are the implications when there is considerable difference in the ages of partners in a lesbian couple? May–December lesbian relationships are those where partners are at least 10 years apart in age, and where both partners are over 30. These relationships have been either neglected or valorized in the psychological literature. Differences in socially ascribed power, women's socialization against acknowledging power, the value the lesbian community places on egalitarianism, and the interaction of other privileges, combine to impact these couples. The fluid nature of power dynamics in May–December lesbian relationships is highlighted and explored. Finally, ways that age-variant lesbian couples can navigate these power differentials in healthy ways are addressed.     

The Transition to Parenthood for Lesbian Couples

Abstract

While there is a slowly growing literature on lesbians with older children, the literature on the transition to parenthood for lesbian couples is scant. The current study examines aspects of the transition to parenthood experience for 29 lesbian couples. Specifically, this study explores aspects of couples' decision-making regarding alternative insemination (e.g., who would carry and bear the child, donor type), perceptions of social support across the transition to parenthood, and availability and use of legal safeguards (such as wills, powers of attorney, and coparent adoptions by nonbiological mothers). Future studies should explore how single lesbians manage the transition to parenthood. Research on lesbians and gay men who are pursuing parenthood through adoption is also needed.     

Contact Between Birth and Adoptive Families During the First Year Post-Placement: Perspectives of Lesbian,Gay, and Heterosexual Parents

Despite growing visibility of lesbian- and gay-parent adoption, only one qualitative study has examined birth family contact among adoptive families with lesbian and gay parents (Goldberg, Kinkler, Richardson, & Downing, 2011). We studied adoptive parents’ (34 lesbian, 32 gay, and 37 heterosexual; N = 103 families) perspectives of birth family contact across the first year post-placement. Using questionnaire and interview data, we found few differences in openness dynamics by parental sexual orientation. Most reported some birth mother contact, most had legally finalized their adoption, and few described plans to withhold information from children. We discuss implications for clinical practice, policy, and research.     

Walls and bridges: how coupled gay men and lesbians manage their intergenerational relationships

Eighty respondents in 20 gay male and 20 lesbian couples were interviewed in depth to determine the nature and influences of their intergenerational relationships. Most respondents reported that their partner relationships were not affected by parental disapproval. Both the lesbian and gay male participants assertively defended the emotional, intergenerational boundaries around their unions. However, the gay men emphasized the importance of independence from their parents, whereas the lesbians sought harmonious intergenerational connections. The findings suggest how Bowen's ideas about intergenerational relationships may need to be modified to reflect the gender-specific ways coupled gay men and lesbians manage their family relationships.     

Queering the Home

Abstract

In the West, the private sphere of the home is traditionally associated with the heterosexual nuclear family. Through social, cultural, and legal processes, the heterosexual bond has been constructed as central to the family home. Despite these dominant discourses, the home is also a space in which heteronormativity (or the unacknowledged assumption that heterosexuality is the natural and normal form of sexuality) may be subverted. This article considers how the domestic lives of lesbian and gay couples in England challenge the heteronormativity prevalent in dominant discourses of the home. Drawing on in-depth interviews with lesbians and gay men, the article continues to extend and build on the existing literature on queer domesticity by focusing on how lesbian and gay couples divide and understand domestic labor in their homes. The perceived normativity of coupled domesticity and childrearing means that on the one hand the lesbian and gay participants in this study could be seen to fit in with normative ideals of domestic family life. On the other hand, I show how these couples subvert heteronormative assumptions about gendered household practices through their approaches and attitudes towards domestic labor and parenting. In particular, the article focuses on the complex ways in which lesbian and gay couples destabilize traditional domestic gender roles and queer the spaces of the home through the seemingly unremarkable, mundane practices and negotiations of domestic labor and childcare.     

Parent-Child Interaction Styles Between Gay and Lesbian Parents and Their Adopted Children

SUMMARY

While myths exist that call into question the parenting ability of gay and lesbian parents as well as the impact of such parenting on children in their care, there is an ever increasing body of literature that clearly demonstrates the capabilities of these parents with their birth children. However, there continues to be a dearth of research on gay and lesbian adoptive parents and their children. To address this deficiency in the literature, this article explores the parenting styles of gay and lesbian adoptive parents and strengths of their children between the ages of 5–9 years (N = 94), using scores from the Parent-as-a-Teacher Inventory and the Behavioral and Emotional Rating Scale. Results illustrate that the gay and lesbian adoptive parents in this sample fell into the desirable range of the parenting scale and their children have strength levels equal to or exceeding the scale norms. Finally, various aspects of parenting style significantly predicted the adoptive parents' view of their child's level of care difficulty which subsequently predicted the type and level of strengths assessed within their adopted child. Recommendations for practice, policy and future research are highlighted.