“There Is No Perfect School”: The Complexity of School Decision‐Making Among Lesbian and Gay Adoptive Parents

Parents influence their children's educational experiences in part via school selection. This process is particularly complex for families with multiple minority, potentially stigmatized, statuses. This qualitative study examines middle‐class lesbian and gay (LG) adoptive parents' school decision‐making. Parents' economic resources provided the foundation for how parents weighed child/family identities (children's race, LG‐parent family structure, child's special needs) and school‐related concerns (e.g., academic rigor). For White gay male‐headed families in affluent urban communities, financial resources muted racial and sexual orientation consciousness in favor of competitive academic environments. Lesbian mothers of modest economic means prioritized racial diversity more centrally. Racial diversity overrode gay‐friendliness as a consideration in lesbian‐mother families; gay‐friendliness was prioritized over racial diversity among families in conservative communities; and special needs overrode all other child and family identity considerations. For LG adoptive parent families, school decision‐making has the potential for greater tensions amidst multiple intersecting identities and fewer economic resources.     

‘Coming Out Tales’: Adult Sons and Daughters' Feelings About Their Gay Father's Sexual Identity

Coming out to their children is a dilemma that concerns many gay, bisexual, and lesbian parents with children from previous heterosexual relationships. How children found out about having a father who identified himself as gay, and their feelings about their father's sexual identity, were explored through qualitative analysis of semi‐structured interviews with 36 sons and daughters (aged 19 to 36 years) whose gay fathers participated in the Gay & Bisexual Parenting Survey (Barrett and Tasker, 2001). Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis revealed that awareness of their father's sexual identity was often left unspoken for various reasons, and that acceptance came about through gradual understanding as well as direct discussion. Interview data indicated the complexity of the relationship between the young adult's personal acceptance of their father's gay identity and their consideration of social context when deciding how open to be to others about their father's sexual identity. This research has varied implications for therapeutic work with gay and bisexual fathers coming out to their children from previous heterosexual relationships.     

Sexism,Heterosexism, and Attributions About Undesirable Behavior in Children of Gay,Lesbian, and Heterosexual Parents

SUMMARY

Existing research on heterosexuals' attitudes toward gay and lesbian parenting typically focuses on heterosexuals' views about whether or not gay men and lesbians should be parents. Although a significant literature describes positive outcomes for actual gay and lesbian parenting, research has not specifically examined the effect of these attitudes on heterosexuals' evaluations of parenting skills, competency in parenting situations, or attributions about behavior in children of lesbian and gay parents. Two hundred twenty participants responded to a series of vignettes describing a restaurant scene in which two parents respond to their child's public tantrum. Sexual orientation and gender of the active parent in the heterosexual condition were varied. Heterosexism, evaluation of parenting skills, and attributions for child's behavior were assessed. Unexpectedly, gay male parenting skills were rated most positively, and heterosexual parenting skills (where a woman was the active parent) most negatively. Both traditional and modern heterosexism predicted negative evaluations in the same-sex parenting conditions with modern heterosexism (denial of continued discrimination) explaining a larger portion of the variance in several outcome measures. It is suggested that differences in gender role expectations for men and women encourage excessive praise for men who interact with children and condemnation of women who disappoint unrealistic expectations.     

Planned Gay Father Families in Kinship Arrangements

The current study examined whether there are differences between gay father families (n = 36) and heterosexual families (n = 36) on father‐child relationship, fathers' experiences of parental stress and children's wellbeing. The gay fathers in this study all became parents while in same‐sex relationships. They donated sperm to lesbian couples and then shared the child‐rearing with them in kinship arrangements. It was also examined whether aspects that are related specifically to gay fathers (i.e., experiences of rejection, having to defend their family situation, with whom the children live, and conflicts with the children's mothers) are also related to the father‐child relationship, parental stress and children's wellbeing. Data were collected by means of questionnaires filled in by the fathers. No significant differences between the family types were found on emotional involvement and parental concern in the father‐child relationship, parental burden (as an aspect of parental stress) or the children's wellbeing. However, gay fathers felt less competent in their child‐rearing role than heterosexual fathers. For gay fathers especially, experiences of rejection and the feeling that they have to defend their situation were significantly related to father‐child relationship, parental stress and children's wellbeing.     

Teachers' Views of Students with Gay or Lesbian Parents

Eighty-three female and 24 male teachers responded to an anonymous questionnaire exploring four aspects of teachers' views of students who have gay or lesbian parents: (1) exposure to and general knowledge about homosexuality, (2) attitudes towards gays and lesbians, (3) interactions with gay or lesbian parents, including school practices and policies, and (4) beliefs about problems experienced by students with gay and lesbian parents. Most teachers knew some gay males and lesbians, had limited education and knowledge about homosexuality, and possessed moderately tolerant attitudes towards gays and lesbians. They believed that students with gay or lesbian parents had more problems in social interaction but were more mature, tolerant, and self-reliant than other students. Open-ended questions about gay and lesbian parents and their children revealed a wide range of answers, ranging from very supportive to noticeably hostile.     

Greedy Spouse,Needy Parent: The Marital Dynamics of Gay,Lesbian, and Heterosexual Intergenerational Caregivers

It is well established that married heterosexual women do more intergenerational caregiving for aging parents and parents‐in‐law than married heterosexual men do. However, gay men and lesbian women's recent access to marriage presents new questions about the gendered marital dynamics of intergenerational caregiving. We use dyadic data with gay, lesbian, and heterosexual spouses to examine the marital dynamics of intergenerational caregivers. Results show that gay and lesbian spouses provided intensive time and emotional support for an intergenerational caregiver. In contrast, heterosexual women described their intergenerational caregiving as rarely supported and at times even undermined by their spouse. Dyadic data on heterosexual men corroborate women's accounts; heterosexual men rarely reported providing intergenerational caregiving, and thus heterosexual women rarely described providing spousal support. These findings provide new insight into the intermingled roles of “greedy” marriages and “needy” parents, wherein marital negotiations around caregiving vary by gender for gay, lesbian, and heterosexual marital dyads.     

Parent-Child Interaction Styles Between Gay and Lesbian Parents and Their Adopted Children

SUMMARY

While myths exist that call into question the parenting ability of gay and lesbian parents as well as the impact of such parenting on children in their care, there is an ever increasing body of literature that clearly demonstrates the capabilities of these parents with their birth children. However, there continues to be a dearth of research on gay and lesbian adoptive parents and their children. To address this deficiency in the literature, this article explores the parenting styles of gay and lesbian adoptive parents and strengths of their children between the ages of 5–9 years (N = 94), using scores from the Parent-as-a-Teacher Inventory and the Behavioral and Emotional Rating Scale. Results illustrate that the gay and lesbian adoptive parents in this sample fell into the desirable range of the parenting scale and their children have strength levels equal to or exceeding the scale norms. Finally, various aspects of parenting style significantly predicted the adoptive parents' view of their child's level of care difficulty which subsequently predicted the type and level of strengths assessed within their adopted child. Recommendations for practice, policy and future research are highlighted.     

Normal Queers: Straight Parents Respond to Their Children's “Coming Out”

This article explores how normative understandings of gender, family, and sexuality provide the foundation for stigma, an avenue out of deviance, and the means by which stigma is perpetuated. Using participant‐observation and interview data from a support group for families of lesbian women and gay men, I examine the destigmatizing identity work with which straight parents responded to their children's lesbian and gay identities. The parents' reliance on conventional understandings of gender, sexuality, and parenting invoked and affirmed heteronormative conceptions of normalcy. This redrawing—and not fundamentally challenging—of the lines defining sexual normalcy left intact systemic logics supporting heterosexist sexual hierarchies.     

Gay and Lesbian Adults' Relationship With Parents in Germany

Despite a rapid expansion of research on gay and lesbian family issues, a comprehensive account of intergenerational family relationships for a population‐based sample of adult homosexual children is still lacking. Using more than 7,500 baseline interviews from the German Family Panel (pairfam), this study aimed to fill this gap. The authors analyzed nationally representative data for 2 cohorts (born in 1971–1973 and 1981–1983, respectively) with regard to 5 outcome variables: (a) emotional closeness, (b) contacts, (c) geographic proximity, (d) conflicts, and (e) ambivalence. They found indications of modestly lower levels of emotional closeness to both parents as well as evidence for less frequent contacts of homosexual children with their fathers. Overall, however, the results suggest that adult gay and lesbian children's relations to parents do not differ substantially from those observed among their heterosexual counterparts. The article concludes with a discussion of limitations and potentials for future research.     

Youth Perspectives on Being Adopted from Foster Care by Lesbian and Gay Parents: Implications for Families and Adoption Professionals

ABSTRACT

This article presents findings from a qualitative study on the perspectives of youth who were adopted from the United States foster care system by lesbian and gay parents and includes focus group data from adopted persons and survey data from adoptive parents. This study fills a unique gap in the literature by hearing directly from the youth through focus groups. Findings indicated that children use a variety of strategies for sharing or not sharing that their parents are gay or lesbian and that many experience bullying and teasing that may be different than experienced by other children. The children adopted by lesbian and gay parents often perceive themselves as being more accepting of others, having more understanding of people, and being more compassionate toward people than those not raised by lesbian or gay parents. Suggestions are provided for training of adoption professionals and prospective families about the challenges and benefits for youth adopted by lesbian and gay parents.     

Different Storks for Different Folks

SUMMARY

When gay and lesbian couples decide to become parents, they are unique as a group in always requiring the involvement of a facilitating other: a donor, surrogate, or (in the case of adopted or foster children) birth parents. This clinical paper explores common psychological and social challenges gay and lesbian couples face when using alternative reproductive technologies to attain parenthood. Between the wish and the actuality of being at home with their baby, gay and lesbian parents travel a long and winding road of choices and chances taken. The parenting partners often consist of one biological and one non-biological parent. Issues of psychological/emotional parenthood as opposed to merely biological parenthood (including assumptions of potential inequality or differential legitimacy) must be reconciled in the minds, couple relationships, family of origin relationships, and friendship support systems of the partners before and after the child's birth. The family must also navigate others' questions and assumptions as they venture ever further beyond their intimate circle and as their growing child forms relationships with peers. Specific guidelines are offered for helping couples surmount these psychosocial challenges.     

Lesbian and Gay Parents: Their Experiences of Children's Health Care in Australia

This study investigates the experiences of lesbian and gay parents seeking health care for their children within the Australian medical system. Previously unavailable demographic data was collected on lesbian and gay families, and qualitative information was sought from parents about positive or problematic health care experiences related to sexual orientation and family constellation. Ninety-two lesbian or gay parents responded to a national postal and Web-based survey. Eighty-nine percent of respondents reported a high level of satisfaction with the health care received by their children. Despite overall satisfaction, however, 49 percent of parents identified fear of disclosure of sexual orientation, and 27 percent reported negative or problematic experiences with their children's health care related to sexual orientation or family constellation. This study indicates that fear of discrimination and homophobic attitudes towards lesbian and gay families remain a factor within the Australian health care system.     

A Comparative Analysis of Adoptive Family Functioning with Gay,Lesbian, and Heterosexual Parents and Their Children

Abstract

The objectives of this comparative study were to examine adoptive family functioning with a sample of gay, lesbian, and heterosexual adoptive parents and their children. The results suggested that parent sexual orientation is not a significant predictor of adoptive family functioning, adopted child's behavior, and parent's perceptions of helpfulness from family support networks. Furthermore, a regression analysis suggested the following variables were associated with higher levels of family functioning: adoptive parents who were previously foster parents and children who had more previous placements prior to adoption. Lower family functioning was associated with children adopted through CPS; with children who had mental health diagnoses, learning disorders, or other handicapping conditions; and with children who were in a higher grade in school. The results of this comparative study of adoptive families support the need for more methodologically rigorous research that includes gay and lesbian adoptive parents along with heterosexual parents.     

After coming out: Parental acceptance of young lesbian and gay people

This study examines extant scholarly knowledge on parental acceptance of young lesbian and gay people in traditional heteronormative families. Recent literature shows that parents generally accept their lesbian and gay children. However, parents do not always accept them immediately after they come out. Acceptance takes time, and transitioning to acceptance is often a complex process that depends on parents' access to the necessary resources for coping with the stresses of knowing that their child identifies as lesbian or gay. These resources include counseling or therapy, supportive friends and extended family, and a network of other parents with lesbian and gay children. This study also highlights the need for further research on parental acceptance in nontraditional families and of children with other nonheterosexual identities, such as asexuality, gray ace, bisexuality, or pansexuality. It also calls for an exploration of the complexities of parental acceptance as an ongoing process rather than as a singular event.     

Same‐Sex Parent Families and Children's Academic Achievement

Children in traditional families (i.e., married, 2 biological parents) tend to do better than their peers in nontraditional families. An exception to this pattern appears to be children from same‐sex parent families. Children with lesbian mothers or gay fathers do not exhibit the poorer outcomes typically associated with nontraditional families. Studies of same‐sex parent families, however, have relied on a static conceptualization of the family and discounted the importance of the timing and number of family transitions for understanding children's outcomes. To examine whether same‐sex parent families represent an exception among nontraditional families, the author used data from the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study—Kindergarten cohort (N = 19,043) to create a dynamic indicator of children's family structure and tested its association with math assessment scores. The results indicated that children in same‐sex parent families scored lower than their peers in married, 2‐biological parent households, but the difference was nonsignificant net of family transitions.     

Learning Difference

SUMMARY

This paper explores some of the relationships between the ways in which (White) dominant group children learn about racial differences and the ways in which difference is represented within gay and lesbian families. Research in the latter area has typically provided two dominant (though contrasting) accounts of difference within gay or lesbian families: (1) that children of gay or lesbian parents will have a better understanding of difference; and (2) that there are no significant differences between heterosexual and gay or lesbian families. In order to explore the implications of this current research in regards to constructions of difference within predominantly White gay and lesbian families, an analysis of storybooks aimed at children with gay or lesbian parents was conducted. The findings suggest that representations of difference within such books often reinforce a White heterosexual norm for parenting. To counter this, it is proposed that a shift is required in research focusing on gay and lesbian families, the intent being both to examine the simultaneous ways in which race privilege and sexuality-based discrimination shape the lives of White lesbian or gay parents and to broaden the scope of research in this area to more adequately reflect the diverse communities it seeks to represent.     

Experiences of Gay and Lesbian Teachers and Parents with Coming Out in a School Setting

Abstract

The present study was conducted to learn more about the experiences of gay and lesbian parents and teachers, particularly about experiences relevant to disclosure of their homosexuality at school. Thirty-four teachers and nineteen parents responded to an anonymous questionnaire. Teachers were more likely to disclose their sexual orientation to fellow teachers than to principals, and to women than to men. Responses to disclosure were generally but not universally positive. Reasons for nondisclosure included fear of losing one's job and of exposure to others. Few parents had come out at their child's school, primarily due to fear of discrimination towards their child.     

Caseworkers' perspective on risk factors in the family environment influencing mothers' difficulties in meeting children's needs

ObjectivesThis study examines, from the caseworkers' point of view, which needs of children are the most difficult for parents in neglectful contexts to respond to and which risk factors make this response more difficult.MethodA sample of 55 parents being followed by child protection services for neglect or high risk of neglect accepted to participate in the study. Their caseworker filled out a grid regarding the response provided to the children's needs and the risk factors in the family environment.ResultsThe results indicate that the children's age is related to the difficulties of responding to their needs. The caseworkers are particularly concerned about guidance and boundaries provided to preschool-age children, but less so about that provided to school-age children. When the children's age is controlled for, parents' mental health problems explains a significant proportion of the variance in parents' response to their children's need for stimulation, emotional warmth, and guidance and boundaries. Caseworkers' worries about drug and alcohol misuse also explain a significant proportion of their concerns about the mothers' ability to ensure their child's safety.ConclusionCaseworkers are more worried about the parental response offered to preschool children than to school-age ones. However, a constant and coherent response to growing children is still important for their developmental trajectories. Moreover, mental health and substance abuse explain caseworkers' concerns about mothers' engagement toward their child. These data raise questions about which type of services to offer, because intervening in families where parents deal with personal issues while addressing child neglect is complex.     

“When You’re Sitting on the Fence,Hope's the Hardest Part”: Challenges and Experiences of Heterosexual and Same-Sex Couples Adopting Through the Child Welfare System

This study of 84 foster-to-adopt parents (42 lesbian, gay, and heterosexual couples) examined the challenges that parents faced as they navigated multiple systems during the post-placement period. Some participants described the legal insecurity associated with their role as foster-to-adopt parents as impacting their well-being and attachment. Lack of support services, disorganization within social service agencies, and strained relationships with birth parents were also identified as stressors. Lesbian and gay participants faced additional concerns regarding the security of their placement due to the possibility for discrimination. Participants as a whole identified positive aspects of their experiences within various systems (e.g., supportive social workers).     

Discursive Struggles Animating Individuals’ Talk About Their Parents’ Coming Out as Lesbian or Gay

The goal in the present study was to understand the discourses that animate children’s talk about having a parent come out and how these discourses interplay to create meaning. Data were gathered through 20 in-depth interviews with adults who remembered a parent coming out to them as lesbian or gay. One discursive struggle animated the participants’ talk about their parents’ coming out: the discourse of lesbian and gay identity as wrong vs. the discourse of lesbian and gay identity as acceptable. Analysis of participants’ talk about their familial identities revealed a range of avenues for resisting the negative discourses regarding lesbian and gay identities. The findings highlight discursive power in participants’ talk about their familial identities and how participants organize the conflicting messages they receive in their culture and in relationships regarding family identities.