Sexual Facts and Values

It is important for psychoanalysts to educate themselves about variant forms of sexual expression, such as the fact that heterosexual cross-dressers virtually never give up their preference because of psychotherapy. A more realistic therapeutic aim is to help the couple negotiate a workable relationship. Infidelity, too, has many possible definitions that can be negotiated by the couple. In some instances, the wish for extramarital contact may be motivated less by sexual desire than by other psychological needs, such as the fear of death and the wish for immortality. The sustenance of sexual passion in a long-term relationship is a phenomenon that requires greater understanding. Variation in lifestyle, as well as modifications in characterological ruts, can often help revive passion.     

Marital separation and extramarital sexual behavior

The factors related to the occurrence of extramarital coitus (EMC) among persons whose marriages terminate in separation or divorce and the impact of participation in EMC on postmarital adjustment were examined. It was hypothesized that premarital coital experience, quality of marital sex, length of marriage, religiosity, and physical attractiveness would affect the occurrence of EMC. Additionally, tests were performed to assess whether participation in EMC increased, decreased, or had no effect on postmarital adjustment. The data are from a study of 205 individuals, separated no longer than 26 months, who completed in‐depth, face‐to‐face interviews about their marriage, its failure, and its aftermath. Most respondents who experienced EMC report that it was an effect, rather than a cause, of marital problems. Yet respondents tend to report that their spouse's infidelity was a cause of marital problems. Guilt is a significant by‐product of EMC for men and women, but men experience somewhat less guilt. Guilt is inversely related to satisfaction with EMC. Women report a significantly greater emotional involvement with their extramarital partners than men. Females who blamed their spouse or another person for the breakup of their marriage were significantly less likely to have had EMC, but no such relationship was found among males. Religiosity does not predict EMC, but among those who have had EMC, religiosity is positively related to how long after marriage EMC first occurred. There is no relationship between the presence or absence of EMC and marital quality at time of separation. Furthermore, EMC does not appear to be related to postmarital adjustment. Other variables such as marital quality, lifestyle attitudes, perceived consequences of EMC, perceived responsibility for family members, and perception of opportunity to engage in EMC need to be studied to further elucidate the occurrence of extramarital relationships.     

Attitudes of College Females Toward Marital Exclusivity Over a Nine-Year Period

Marital exclusivity refers to the degree to which activities with individuals other than the spouse are excluded from the marital relationship. Typically, this construct has been studied in the form of extramarital sexual relationships. Other types of extramarital relationships (e.g., work relationships, friendships), however, are more prevalent and have important implications for marital and personal satisfaction as well. The present study examined attitudes toward extramarital sexual relationships and extramarital nonsexual relations among college women over a nine year period. Results indicated little change in attitudes toward extramarital sexual or nonsexual relationships between 1980 and 1988 at either the item or scale level. The Attitudes Toward Marital Exclusivity Scale exhibited sound measurement properties (internal consistency, item-total score correlations) for all years of the study. Moreover, the scale met a variety of criteria for Guttman scaling. Finally, the importance of further investigation in the area of marital exclusivity is briefly discussed.     

Decision-making in extramarital relationships

A model was constructed and used to generate hypotheses regarding situational determinants, motives, and restraints affecting extramarital decision-making. Statistically significant differences between males and females were found on factors influencing extramarital sexual relationships. It was concluded that men have a greater expectation of personal involvement, are strongly influenced by perceived payoffs, and are more likely to respond to what they regard as justifications for their behavior. Women are more responsive to risks which they see as more likely to occur and to be more destructive. Avoiding hurt for themselves and others is an important consideration. Counseling implications are discussed.An earlier version of this article was presented at the national convention of the American Association for Counseling and Development, New York, NY, April, 1985.Ralph A. Meyering is a Professor of Counselor Education at Illinois State University, Elizabeth A. Epling-McWherter is a Executive Director, YWCA, Rock Island, IL 61201. Requests for reprints should be addressed to Dr. Meyering, Department of Specialized Educational Development, Illinois State University, Normal, IL 61761.     

Motivations and Emotional Consequences Related to Engaging in Extramarital Relationships

ABSTRACT. The purpose of this study was to allow adults who were actively engaged in extramarital relationships to explain their motivations and emotions in their own words. We recruited 77 participants (22 men and 55 women) from an Internet discussion board aimed at people who were actively pursuing or involved in extramarital affairs. Participants completed an online survey that allowed them to describe up to three extramarital relationships, including the reasons for beginning each affair and the emotional consequences of each affair. We found sexual needs, emotional needs, and falling in love to be major reasons for beginning affairs. Both men and women were equally likely to cite sexual or emotional motivations if their primary relationship was not satisfying in either of these elements. Most participants reported experiencing both negative and positive emotions in consequence of their affairs. The results of our study illustrate the complexity of these kinds of relationships.     

Justifications for extramarital relationships: The association between attitudes,behaviors, and gender

Married persons completed anonymous questionnaires rating the extent to which they would feel justified having an extramarital relationship for 17 reasons derived from the clinical and research literatures. Men and women clustered these justifications similarly into four factors: sexual, romantic love, emotional intimacy, and extrinsic. Women approved less of sexual justifications and more of love justifications. Attitude‐behavior congruence was demonstrated in the link between sexual justification and sexual involvement for both sexes and in the link between love justifications and emotional involvement for men. The data supported the observation that men separate sex and love; women appear to believe that love and sex go together and that falling in love justifies sexual involvement. Clinical implications include the importance of understanding the extramarital attitudes as cognitions and thresholds related to extramarital behavior. Research implications include the importance of assessing specific reasons including emotional justifications, assessing emotional involvement and sexual involvement, and analyzing for gender differences.     

The Unwed Father: a "Non-Deviant" Rule Breaker

By and large, men (unwed fathers) responsible for impregnating unmarried women have successfully avoided being labeled deviant and have been largely overlooked as sociological research subjects. After they responded to newspaper advertisements, 140 men responsible for 176 extramarital pregnancies were interviewed to determine how they avoid being identified and sanctioned despite their apparent culpability. Factors investigated include: lack of a sense of moral trespass (including the double standard, perception of the pair relationship, and contextual moral meanings), visibility, and social distance. The apparent inconsistency between culpability of behavior and absence of labeling is reconciled by consideration of the "morality of consequences" and the "morality of intentions." It is suggested that consideration of the interaction of rules based on these moralities contributes to an understanding of the labeling process.     

Pornography and Marriage

We used data on 20,000 ever-married adults in the General Social Survey to examine the relationship between watching pornographic films and various measures of marital well-being. We found that adults who had watched an X-rated movie in the past year were more likely to be divorced, more likely to have had an extramarital affair, and less likely to report being happy with their marriage or happy overall. We also found that, for men, pornography use reduced the positive relationship between frequency of sex and happiness. Finally, we found that the negative relationship between pornography use and marital well-being has, if anything, grown stronger over time, during a period in which pornography has become both more explicit and more easily available.     

Sexually open marriages

The question as to what degree people are able to engage in extramarital relationships without endangering their marriages remains controversial. In this study it was assumed that the norms and ground rules a couple agrees on are crucial predictive factors. A questionnaire with predominantly precoded answers was administered to 50 Dutch couples who all had been or were still involved in extramarital relationships. Most subjects were upper middle class with a rather liberal outlook on sex and marriage and an average level of marital satisfaction and self-esteem.The extramarital involvements had positive and negative aspects. For example, about a quarter reported feelings of guilt, and about half complained of problems of apportioning time between spouse and extramarital partner. Most subjects, however, found their extramarital relationships emotionally and sexually very satisfying.Five types of strategies or ground rules to keep the marriage intact could be distinguished: Marriage primacy, restricted intensity, visibility, mate exchange, and invisibility. Most rules imply rather severe restrictions on extramarital activities. Author's Note: This research was supported by a grant from the Netherlands Organization for the Advancement of Pure Research (Z.W.O.). Special appreciation is due to Professor M. Nawas for his helpful comments and to J. Bosman for his help in analyzing the data.     

Jealousy in sexually open marriages

One hundred twenty-five men and 125 women, all Dutch and mostly liberal middle-class, responded to a series of scales measuring present, past, and anticipated jealousy as well as a variety of variables thought to be correlated with jealousy. All respondents were or had been in a sexually open marriage in which one or both partners had had an extramarital involvement. Women were more jealous than men. A variety of negative and positive consequences of spouse's extramarital involvement are presented. Individual and marital variables such as self-esteem, age, emotional dependency, and marital satisfaction were only weakly related to jealousy if at all. Only two of four major perceived causes for the reduction of jealousy in the relationship were related to jealousy anticipated in future jealousy-provoking situations. The findings are discussed in connection with sex roles, the threats that trigger jealousy, and a theoretical model of jealousy presented elsewhere. Author's Note: The author thanks Gregory L. White for editorial assistance on this article.     

‘The first Taiwanese wives’ and ‘the Chinese mistresses’: the international division of labour in familial and intimate relations across the Taiwan Strait

Abstract For the last two decades, Taiwanese businessmen have gone to China to invest and do business there. While in Taiwan, many have become involved in extramarital affairs with local women, creating an international division of labour in both families and intimate relations. Taiwanese wives are categorized as ‘the first wives’, a term that is largely associated with the conventional duties of a housewife as the primary caregiver for the family. Chinese women are categorized as ‘mistresses’, a label that portrays them as intruders into these Taiwanese families and stigmatizes them with the strong sexual and entertainment implications of their relationships with these men. By using an ethnographic and documentary approach to explore the complex relations among Taiwanese businessmen and their wives and mistresses across the Taiwan Strait, this article reveals an often overlooked connection between the global economy and the challenges it imposes on the international division of labour in the family and on transnational feminism.     

Marital alternatives and the regulation of sex

The relationship between the occurrence of extramarital affairs (as an indicator of the reduction of normative constraints) and commuter marriage (as an indicator of the reduction of structural constraints) was examined. It was found that when couples set up two separate homes they were not more likely to have affairs than when they shared a single home (or that the reduction of structural constraints does not necessarily lead to the reduction of normative constraints). In contrast to other studies that stress opportunity as a key factor in the occurrence of extramarital affairs, this study suggests that attitudes toward affairs are neither enforced nor weakened by opportunity. Two underlying orientations to marriage, which exist simultaneously in different segments of the population, were uncovered: one involving an attachment to the family as institution and one involving an attachment to the family as companionship.     

“I Swear I Will Never Betray You”: Factors Reported by Spouses as Helping Them Resist Extramarital Sex in Relation to Gender,Marriage Length,and Religiosity

Studies suggest that married people frequently engage in intimate relationships with people other than their spouses, and the literature has extensively examined motives for doing so. However, less is known about what factors prevent spouses from engaging in extramarital sex. While investment theory, interdependence theory, and moral theories offer insights into this question, they have not been subject to much empirical research. We examine these theories in relation to several characteristics of individuals and couples: gender, length of the marriage, and religiosity. In two studies, 423 participants completed a questionnaire on the perceived importance of 29 reasons to resist the temptation for extramarital sex. Participants also reported the likelihood that they would engage in extramarital sex if the opportunity presented itself. Results show that being female, more religious, and married for less time were associated with greater expectations of refraining from extramarital sex when presented with a hypothetical scenario. Multiple hierarchical regression showed that among factors relevant to conscious decision making, moral standards and fundamental anxieties (fear of remaining alone) predict expectations of refraining from extramarital sex better than concerns about effects on the children or the other participant.     

Extramarital sex in the Netherlands

This investigation of the social psychological and demographic variables associated with extramarital sexual and erotic involvement was carried out on a heterogeneous sample of 250 subjects. About one-quarter of the men and one-fifth of the women reported extramarital coital experience during the past year. The results indicate that subjects with higher educational backgrounds and no church attendance are relatively more involved in extramarital relations. Determinants of extramarital sexual and erotic behavior appear to be quite similar for both sexes.     

CULTURAL RELATIVISM AND THE STUDY OF DEVIANCE

In this work I argue that the study of deviance as distinct from crime is no longer a productive specialty in sociology. I attribute the cause of the demise of the field to its over reliance on the assumption of cultural relativity. In contrast to the relativist position, I argue that behavior that causes harm will be more likely to be condemned by public opinion and that there will be less variation in attitudes toward behaviors that cause more harm. Using data from the General Social Survey, I find support for the hypothesis that a “deviant” sexual behavior that can have a victim, extramarital sex, will be more consensually condemned than “deviant” sexual behaviors that do not have victims, premarital sex and homosexual sex. I recommend that future research focus on the study of values, as the validity of cultural relativity can be empirically evaluated.     

Attitudinal and Behavioral Factors Associated with Extramarital Sex Among Nigerian Men: Findings from a National Survey

ABSTRACT

Using couple data from a national survey, this article examines couple's characteristics associated with extramarital sex among Nigerian men. We found 15.4% of married men had extramarital sex in the past 12 months. Extramarital sex was significantly associated with men's attitude toward extramarital sex (OR = 1.7 [1.4–3.0]), early sexual debut (OR = 1.9 [1.6–2.3]), alcohol use (OR = 1.7 [1.4–2.1]), and intimate partner violence against wife (IPV) (OR = 1.4 [1.2–1.7]). Increased wife's education was associated with decreased husband's extramarital sex. Men living in rural areas and in the Central and Southern regions were also more likely to have extramarital sex. The findings suggest useful implications for HIV prevention programs in Nigeria. Interventions should focus on influencing social norms around protective behaviors for men to avoid risks associated with extramarital sex and IPV, helping men to change attitudes toward extramarital sex and IPV, and promoting delay in age at first sex among young men.     

Commentary on Joseph Scott's “Black Polygamous Family Formation”

The essay critiques the polygyny model of Joseph Scott in terms of the pressures felt by young, poor, Black women with children who often enter into extramarital unions with married men as they attempt to find economic and emotional security.     

A Conceptual Model of the Alcohol Environment of College Students

Lobola is in many Southern African countries a tradition, which is expected to be adhered by anyone who is part of the community. It is paying respect to the elders, and the community. In order to determine how much the actual fact of payment of lobola would influence the behavior of husbands and wives, we conducted several focus groups. Many participants see lobola as part of their African culture, although they wished that they would not actually have to pay lobola. There is no difference in the husband's behavior, whether they had paid lobola or not and having extramarital affairs.     

The Dynamics,Implications and Treatment of Extramarital Sexual Relationships for the Family Therapist*

This article presents the dynamics, implications and treatment of extramarital sex. Historical and cultural perspectives, various types of infidelity experiences and family therapy implications will be discussed. Marital styles will be outlined as a frame of reference in understanding the topic and the importance of symptom generation vis-a-vis infidelity. Finally, specific recommendations for treatment and a brief consideration of extramarital relationships as a healthy alternative marital style will be offered.     

Cattle for Wives and Extramarital Trysts for Husbands? Lobola, Men, and HIV/STD Risk Behavior in Southern Africa

Lobola is in many Southern African countries a tradition, which is expected to be adhered by anyone who is part or want to be part of the community. It is about paying respect to the elders, the family and the community. It is a significant element of marriage among many tribes and there are strict rules to adhere. In order to determine how much the actual fact of payment of lobola would influence the behavior of husbands and wives, we conducted several focus group discussion with men, women, mixed groups and couples. We analyzed the data collected during these sessions and compared these with the literature. Many participants see lobola as part of their African culture, although they wished that they would not actually have to pay lobola. We could not determine a difference in the husband's behavior, whether they had paid lobola or not and having extramarital affairs.