The Impact of Childrens' Divorce on Parents:

Little has been written to date concerning the impact of an adult child's divorce on his or her parents-their anguish, grief, concern, humiliation or even occasional elation. The senior parent's reactions affect their own life cycle development. And within the context of a cybernetic circular systems model of conceptualization about family relations which we adhere to, it is posited that their reactions impact upon their childrens' (and grandchildrens') post divorce readjustment. This article is written to attempt to begin to address this issue and to fill this gap in the literature. It is primarily on the author's combined clinical observations with hundreds of clients and friends and their experiences living through their childrens' divorces. The next step is process and outcome research about this issue.     

Marital Separation

In an effort to evaluate a procedure designed to learn more about clinical and demographic aspects of marital separation, a telephone survey of 2,001 households in Boulder, Colorado, was conducted. The procedure reached a representative sample of the population and provided valuable information regarding the current prevalence of marital separation, as well as its incidence, duration, and modes of resolution. The likelihood of any married couple experiencing a separation was found to be nearly 5 percent in one year. The risk of separation appears to be far higher among the young than the old. Most terminated separations, after lasting about one year, end in divorce. Implications for marriage and divorce counseling, for community intervention programs, and for additional research are indicated.     

Divorce in Research vs. Divorce in Media

What is the case for divorce? Researchers in the sociology of family tend to find that divorce's impact depends on what the comparison is: compared to a distressed marriage, divorce has its benefits. Meanwhile, policy makers and general audiences alike get much of their information about divorce research via the news media, where the negative consequences of divorce tend to be exaggerated, especially when comparisons, selection bias, or other research issues are neglected. Over the past 20 years, U.S. news coverage of divorce illustrates two key, intertwined topics: moral entrepreneurship using divorce as an issue and divorce research using (or not) careful methods of comparison. Three cases discussed below (in 1988–1989, 2002–2004, and 2008) illustrate these two themes. The underlying research on the health and mental health effects (including by gender) of divorce on children and adults reviewed in this article makes a case for divorce. The overlay of media reporting on divorce research illuminates the purpose for offering a case for divorce.     

The Lived Experience of Ambiguous Marital Separation: A Phenomenological Study

Researchers have long treated marital separation as a linear transition that inevitably leads to divorce. Popular sources suggest that some couples separate without clarity about how the separation will end, often to assess whether to divorce or stay married. However, to date, we could not locate any empirical research on this kind of ambiguous separation. With a sample of 20 currently separated persons from around the United States, this study employed a hermeneutic phenomenological design to inquire about the experience of separating from one's spouse when the separation was initiated without clarity about how it would end. Six essential themes emerged: (a) our relationship feels ambiguous, (b) separation is a private experience, (c) separation is a lonely experience, (d) benefits to separating, (e) separation is not sustainable, and (f) the outcome is unclear. The article concludes with a discussion of and implications for the study findings.     

Parenting From Abroad: Migration,Nonresident Father Involvement,and Children's Education in Mexico

In Mexico, a country with high emigration rates, parental migration matches divorce as a contributor to child–father separation. Yet little has been written about children's relationships with migrating parents. In this study, I use nationally representative data from the 2005 Mexican Family Life Survey to model variation in the interaction between 739 children in Mexico and their nonresident fathers. I demonstrate that, from the perspective of sending households, parental migration and parental divorce are substantively distinct experiences. Despite considerable geographic separation, Mexican children have significantly more interaction with migrating fathers than they do with fathers who have left their homes following divorce. Further, ties with migrant fathers are positively correlated with schooling outcomes, which potentially mitigates the observed education costs of family separation.     

The Development of an Instrument to Measure the Psychological Response to Separation and Divorce

In recent years there has been an increase in the number of individuals seeking help from mental health professionals with issues related to separation and divorce. In order to understand the psychological impact of divorce on individuals the theory of mourning developed by John Bowlby has been used by many clinicians to inform their practice. Using data collected from 123 separated or divorced adults an instrument designed to measure Bowlby's three phases of mourning is developed. Implications for clinical practice and research are discussed.     

THE RELATIONSHIP CHART — A recording and therapeutic process

Those affected by a marital separation are inclined to talk about who caused the marriage to end, with blame being widely apportioned. In seeking to help clients come to terms with marital separation, the author developed a process involving the building of The Relationship Chart. The Relationship Chart presents in visual form a record of the couple's relationship. Satir uses a family life chronology to change the focus from an identified client to a family relationships focus. Similarly The Relationship Chart process endeavours to change the focus from blaming others to one in which the partners can focus on their mutual responsibility for their own separation.     

Discernment Counseling for “Mixed‐Agenda” Couples

This article describes discernment counseling, an approach to working with couples where one partner is leaning toward divorce and the other wants to preserve the relationship and work on it in couples therapy. These “mixed‐agenda” couples are common in clinical practice but have been neglected in the literature. The goal of discernment counseling is clarity and confidence regarding the next steps for the relationship, based on a deeper understanding of each partner's contributions. Sessions emphasize individual conversations with each partner. An analysis of 100 consecutive cases found that about half of the couples chose to start couples therapy in order to reconcile, with most of the rest choosing the divorce path. Longer term follow‐up information is also presented.     

DIVORCE THERAPY OUTCOME RESEARCH: A SUBSTANTIVE AND METHODOLOGICAL REVIEW

Empirical studies related to divorce therapy are reviewed both substantively and methodologically. There is strong evidence for the superiority of mediation to traditional adversary methods for custody and visitation disputes. Conciliation counseling appears to increase the number of reconciliations in the short-term. Other conclusions must remain very tentative. Overall, the methodologies of the 22 studies are weak; however, there are wide variations in quality. Investigations of divorce mediation utilized the best designs and studies of separation techniques the worst. What we know and what we need to know about divorce therapy is answered critically and suggestions are made for future research and practice.     

Marital Discord and Subsequent Dissolution: Perceptions of Nepalese Wives and Husbands

The author examined the influence of marital discord on separation and divorce in a rural South Asian setting. Little is known about how marital discord influences marital outcomes in settings with low personal freedom and limited access to independence. Using a sample of 674 couples from the Chitwan Valley Family Study in Nepal, the author investigated the impact of marital discord on the rate of marital dissolution and the extent to which wives' and husbands' perceptions of discord influence dissolution. The results revealed that (a) spouses' perceptions of marital discord increase the rate of marital dissolution, (b) both husbands' and wives' perceptions of discord have an important influence, and (c) the influence of wives' perceptions of discord is independent of their husbands' perceptions. Overall, these findings suggest that both spouses' perceptions of discord are important for marital outcomes, even in settings where the costs of marital dissolution are relatively high.     

Irish Women’s Ongoing Experiences of Domestic Abuse in Cases of Separation and Divorce

The issue of postseparation abuse is a significant problem for women. This qualitative research examines Irish women’s experiences of domestic abuse in cases of separation and divorce. Findings show that methods of abuse change after separation and perpetrators can use institutions of the state to continue their abusive behavior in a new forum and can continue long after marital dissolution is finalized. Such behavior is legitimized by the state’s nonaction and enabled through women’s previous experiences of institutional processes associated with separation and divorce, which resulted in feelings fear and distress.     

How Long Does a Santa Barbara Divorce Take?

There has been considerable research about the amount of time the psychological grief process requires when couples divorce. However, there has been little research on the time the actual process of divorce requires. To address this, we obtained free and publicly available information on divorce cases from Santa Barbara County. We are able to offer some insight about the relationship among the length of divorce, marriage length, and having minor children. Our results are consistent with those found in other literature that focuses on the length of the grief process, and our results are consistent with our experiences in family law practice and mediation.     

The Marital Termination Period of the Divorce Adjustment Process

This paper deals with the marital dynamics characteristic of the period immediately prior to a decision to divorce. The period is termed the Period of Termination and occurs while a couple is still living together. It is one of the two peak stress periods of the divorce adjustment process. The concept of a marital Point of No-Return (N/R) is introduced. Guidelines for working with the concept are presented. Two marital termination strategies and the implications of these concepts for clinical practice are examined. A demarcation point for marital therapy vs. divorce therapy is also suggested. Finally, observations regarding the nature of the emotional scarring that may result from this period are discussed.     

Concepts of Fairness in Marriage and Divorce

Discourses of fairness are bound up with Western ideals of companionate marriage. They are also central to the ways people talk about their approaches to divorce, especially in relation to the division of property and finances. How fairness is understood within marriage, however, is gendered, with husbands more likely to take equity-based approaches and wives equality-based approaches. In this article I discuss previous research on how fairness is understood within marriage, and compare this with data from a study of people going through divorce proceedings in England and Wales. I suggest that some, but not all, understandings about fairness are carried over from marriage into divorce, and note that in many ways English and Welsh divorce law supports a particular conception of fairness that redresses objectively unfair divisions of labor within the marital relationship.     

Family Stress and Organization Following Parental Divorce or Death

This study examines whether children of separation/divorce experience more associated family disorganization and stress than those from homes broken by parental death or from intact families. Ratings of childrens' levels and types of parental attention, family problems, and economic hardship were obtained on three independent samples. The findings indicate that divorce per se, and not the more general case of family dissolution, is significantly related to increased levels of family stressors for the child. Children with histories of parental separation/divorce were seen to be experiencing significantly lower levels of educational stimulation from parents, as well as greater parental rejection, economic stress, and general family problems than those from homes broken by parental death or from intact families. This relationship was consistent across independent year samples, referred and normal populations, and urban/suburban and rural samples. The implications of these findings for previously demonstrated differences in the school adjustment patterns of children with parental separation/divorce or death histories are elaborated, and the importance of considering stressors for the child which are associated with divorce in the planning of preventive interventions is discussed.     

Seeking Clarity and Confidence in the Divorce Decision-Making Process

There is a well-established literature dedicated to why couples divorce, transitions associated with divorce, and the impact of divorce on families. However, little is known about the divorce decision-making process. We conducted in-depth interviews with individuals who have recently considered divorce (n = 30) and asked specifically about the roles of 2 concepts in their decision-making process: clarity and confidence. Three major themes emerged from the data: (a) Clarity about a decision to divorce or stay married is desired, it fluctuates, and takes time to find; (b) pivotal moments can bring clarity; and (c) confidence (in the final decision) is desired. Clinical implications and directions for future research are discussed.     

Childhood Living Arrangements and the Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce

Using detailed data on the childhood living arrangements of children taken from the 1995 National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), the impact of multiple dimensions of parent histories on the likelihood of offspring divorce is investigated. Although past research is replicated by finding a positive impact of parental divorce on offspring divorce, the author also finds that living apart from both parents, irrespective of the reason, is associated with an increased risk of divorce. In particular, children who were born out of wedlock and who did not experience parental divorce or death experience a very high risk of marital disruption. However, neither the number of transitions in childhood living arrangements nor parental remarriage appear to substantially affect the risk of marital dissolution. Finally, variations in the timing of and circumstances surrounding marriage appear to mediate a substantial proportion of the effect of parent histories on offspring divorce.     

“Separation Guilt” in Women Who Initiate Divorce

This paper explores the “separation guilt” of women who initiate divorce. The paper argues that the gender-specific processes of separation individuation and socialization that women undergo in childhood make them vulnerable to similar guilt feelings when they initiate divorce, only towards the husband they are leaving. It further argues that these feelings may impair their post-divorce adjustment. The paper illustrates these points with two case studies, one showing how the woman’s separation guilt thwarted the development of new intimacy, the other showing how it impaired her maternal functioning. Recommendations are made for treatment and research. Nehami Baum Ph.D., is a lecturer at the School of Social Work at Bar Ilan University. She is a social worker with experience in both public and private practice. Her special interests include non-death related loss, divorce, men in therapy, treatment termination, social work students’ professional identity formation, guilt, and social work in times of terror and political tension.