Walls and bridges: how coupled gay men and lesbians manage their intergenerational relationships

Eighty respondents in 20 gay male and 20 lesbian couples were interviewed in depth to determine the nature and influences of their intergenerational relationships. Most respondents reported that their partner relationships were not affected by parental disapproval. Both the lesbian and gay male participants assertively defended the emotional, intergenerational boundaries around their unions. However, the gay men emphasized the importance of independence from their parents, whereas the lesbians sought harmonious intergenerational connections. The findings suggest how Bowen's ideas about intergenerational relationships may need to be modified to reflect the gender-specific ways coupled gay men and lesbians manage their family relationships.     

Gay marriages and communities of sexual orientation

This article focuses on gay male couples as they exist within friendship networks of other gay men. By comparing homosexual men who are part of a gay community with those who are less integrated into a gay community, we attempt to show that the sexual liaisons of the former are more “marriage-like.” Gays committed to a community of other homosexual men were found to live more often with their lovers, be more sexually faithful to their lovers, and to have more emotionally intimate relationships. Also, they were found more likely to associate with other gay couples. Commitment to a gay community was not found to be associated with length of a liaison, and it seemed that when respondents defined emotional intimacy in terms of sexual exclusiveness there may have been a tendency for disruption of relationships. The gay community validates the sexual liaisons of gay men in the same way that the heterosexual world validates the pairings of heterosexuals and transforms their subinstitutional sexual liaisons into the institution of marriage.     

Attachment Style,Rules Regarding Sex,and Couple Satisfaction: A Study of Gay Male Couples

This article explores the characteristics of open and closed relationships in 170 gay men according to their levels of satisfaction, their attachment styles, and the rules of having sex outside their relationships for open couples. We found no significant difference between open or closed relationships in levels of satisfaction or attachment styles. However, we found that gay men in open relationships who have explicit rules about having sex with other men are significantly more satisfied that those gay men with no rules. A content analysis of the rules is presented and implications for therapy are drawn from the findings.     

HIV-Negative Seroconcordant Gay Male Couples' Attitudes,Intentions, and Perceived Behavioral Control for Planned Condom Use Within and Outside of Their Relationships

ABSTRACT

Despite high HIV rates among gay male couples, limited research exists about their attitudes, intentions, social norms, and perceived behavioral control for planned condom use within and outside of their relationships. Our cross-sectional study used multilevel modeling with dyadic data from 142 HIV-negative gay male couples to examine and identify which factors were statistically associated with planned condom use within and outside the relationship. Several differences for planned condom use were also noted based on the sample's prior history of unprotected anal intercourse and relationship type. Findings suggest additional prevention tools are needed for some HIV-negative gay male couples who are at risk for HIV.     

Characteristics and Allowed Behaviors of Gay Male Couples’ Sexual Agreements

Research has shown that gay male couples’ sexual agreements may affect their risk for HIV. Few U.S. studies have collected dyadic data nationally from gay male couples to assess what sexual behaviors they allow to occur by agreement type and the sequence of when certain behaviors occur within their relationships. In our cross-sectional study, dyadic data from a convenience sample of 361 male couples were collected electronically throughout the United States by using paid Facebook ads. Findings revealed that couples discussed their HIV status before having unprotected anal intercourse (UAI) but established their agreement some time after having UAI. About half of the couples (N = 207) concurred about having an agreement. Among these couples, 58% concurred about explicitly discussing their agreement, 84% concurred about having the same type of agreement, and 54% had both men adhering to it. A variety of sexual behaviors were endorsed and varied by agreement type. Concordance about aspects of couples’ agreements varied, suggesting the need to engage couples to be more explicit and detailed when establishing and communicating about their agreements. The allowed behaviors and primary reasons for establishing and breaking sexual agreements further highlight the need to bolster HIV prevention for gay male couples.     

Different Storks for Different Folks

SUMMARY

When gay and lesbian couples decide to become parents, they are unique as a group in always requiring the involvement of a facilitating other: a donor, surrogate, or (in the case of adopted or foster children) birth parents. This clinical paper explores common psychological and social challenges gay and lesbian couples face when using alternative reproductive technologies to attain parenthood. Between the wish and the actuality of being at home with their baby, gay and lesbian parents travel a long and winding road of choices and chances taken. The parenting partners often consist of one biological and one non-biological parent. Issues of psychological/emotional parenthood as opposed to merely biological parenthood (including assumptions of potential inequality or differential legitimacy) must be reconciled in the minds, couple relationships, family of origin relationships, and friendship support systems of the partners before and after the child's birth. The family must also navigate others' questions and assumptions as they venture ever further beyond their intimate circle and as their growing child forms relationships with peers. Specific guidelines are offered for helping couples surmount these psychosocial challenges.     

Difference and Diversity:

Some therapists believe that they should treat gay and lesbian couples ôjust like heterosexual couples.ö Others hold the view that same-sex couples are completely different from heterosexual couples and that only specially trained therapist can work with them. This paper is an attempt to over come the lack of information about gay and lesbian couple by describing the differences between heterosexual couples and homosexual couples; differences between gay couples and lesbian couples; diversity within both lesbian couples and gay couples; and the therapeutic implications of these differences. The discussion of differences has powerful political implications and is embedded within a larger context of belief systems about gender and sexual orientation. Therapist needs to protect against categorizing, essentializing, or over generalizing about gay and lesbian couples. Although heterosexism, homophobia, and sexism affect the dynamics of all gay and lesbian relationships, it is important to recognize that age, class, race, ethnicity, and physical ability, as well as the dynamics of each individual couple, make each relationship unique. The therapist, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual, should be familiar with issues specific to lesbian and gay experience within the dominant society, and, at the same time, be attuned to the idiosyncratic nature of individual couples.     

Same‐Sex Couples,Families, and Marriage: Embracing and Resisting Heteronormativity1

This article focuses on lesbian and gay couples and families and the politics of same‐sex marriage. Drawing from the literature on same‐sex couples, same‐sex marriage, and queer theory’s concept of heteronormativity, we argue that gay and lesbian couples and families both affirm and challenge heterosexual and gendered family forms. First, we review literature that discusses how same‐sex relationships and families are similar to and different from conventional heterosexual relationships and families. Second, we discuss the socio‐legal and cultural inequalities faced by LGBT families. Third, we discuss the politics of same‐sex marriage, examining the debate among social conservatives, pro‐marriage activists, and queer critics over the desirability of same‐sex marriage. We conclude that the growing visibility of LGBT couples and families has made their exclusion from the institution of marriage more conspicuous and that recognition of LGBT relationships and families seems likely to increase.     

Lesbian and Gay Couples Considering Parenthood:

When Americans reflect on what matters most to them, they often point to relationships with families and children. Historically, lesbian and gay Americans have faced legal, economic, and other forms of discrimination against their family relationships in general, and against their relationships with children in particular. Despite this history of discrimination, however, lesbians and gay men continue to form families, and many either are or wish to become parents. In this paper, I discuss special needs of lesbian and gay couples that are considering parenthood describe innovative services that have been developed to meet these needs, and identify directions for future research, service, and advocacy. Much work remains to be done before lesbian and gay Americans will be able to seek parenthood unencumbered by the burdens of prejudice, discrimination, and institutionalized heterosexism.     

The challenges to intimacy and sexual relationships for gay men in HIV serodiscordant relationships: a pilot study

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) infection and disease progression create imbalance in long-term, HIV-serodiscordant, gay male relationships, particularly in sexual relations and issues of physical and emotional intimacy. Stage of disease progression and worldview of the couple both affect the relationship and its survival. To redress imbalance, partners employ a range of coping strategies and techniques. This article explores these issues in the context of HIV serodiscordant gay couples and how they preserve their relationships in the face of these unique challenges. For workers who provide psychotherapeutic and community support for people with HIV and for their partners, the results of this study may be helpful in recognizing stress factors for couples, and tailoring support services to the needs of both partners. Overall, this study provides a basis for further work examining the dynamics of serodiscordant relationships.     

A Family Matter

Abstract

The 2004 debate over civil marriage for same-gender couples highlights issues faced by mixed-orientation couples after one of the spouses comes out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. The disclosure becomes a family matter as their spouses and children cope with the new information and antigay attitudes. The majority of couples divorce. A minority stays married for three years or more by developing strategies that enhance the relationship, offset outside pressures, and sustain the family circle. Peers provide the most support, while therapists are often unfamiliar with sexual orientation, mixed orientation couples, or societal attitudes that impact families with a gay, lesbian, or bisexual parent. This article provides that information so that professionals can help these couples improve the quality of their lives and develop skills to create a future in which homosexuality, same-gender relationships, and gay parenting are more widely accepted and legalized. This development would decrease the number of mixed-orientation marriages with closeted spouses and increase the potential for both types of families to form lasting marriages and strong family units.     

Relationship Education and Therapy for Same‐Sex Couples

The gay and lesbian community suffers higher rates of discrimination, mental health problems, and relationship break‐up than their heterosexual counterparts. In this paper we analyse the challenges confronting same‐sex couples, and the implications for couple education and therapy with same‐sex couples. We describe some similarities in the challenges confronting heterosexual and same‐sex couples (e.g., negotiation of shared realistic relationship expectations, effective communication). These similarities suggest existing evidence‐based approaches to couple therapy and relationship education are likely to assist same sex couple relationships. We also describe distinctive challenges for same‐sex couples (e.g., homophobic discrimination, internalised homophobia, and low support from many families for same sex relationships). These distinctive challenges suggest some adaptation of existing approaches to couple education and therapy could enhance their relevance and effectiveness to same sex couples.     

“When You’re Sitting on the Fence,Hope's the Hardest Part”: Challenges and Experiences of Heterosexual and Same-Sex Couples Adopting Through the Child Welfare System

This study of 84 foster-to-adopt parents (42 lesbian, gay, and heterosexual couples) examined the challenges that parents faced as they navigated multiple systems during the post-placement period. Some participants described the legal insecurity associated with their role as foster-to-adopt parents as impacting their well-being and attachment. Lack of support services, disorganization within social service agencies, and strained relationships with birth parents were also identified as stressors. Lesbian and gay participants faced additional concerns regarding the security of their placement due to the possibility for discrimination. Participants as a whole identified positive aspects of their experiences within various systems (e.g., supportive social workers).     

What Shall We Call Ourselves? Last Names Among Lesbian,Gay, and Heterosexual Couples and Their Adopted Children

ABSTRACT

Choices of last names for both adults and children are important family decisions that are often made upon marriage or upon the birth of a child. The gendered nature of such choices among heterosexual populations is well known, but they have not been widely studied among lesbian or gay populations. We studied selection of last names among 106 adoptive families—27 headed by lesbian couples, 29 headed by gay couples, and 50 headed by heterosexual couples—all of whom had adopted children at birth or in the first weeks of life. Whether in selection of last names for adults or for children, we found that heterosexual adoptive couples were more likely than lesbian and gay adoptive couples to follow patronymic conventions. Thus, heterosexual parents and their children were most likely to have identical last names. For lesbian and gay couples, in contrast, the most common scenario was for both adults to retain last names given to them at birth and hyphenate them to create last names for their children. Parents in lesbian and gay couples offered more detailed explanations of their choices than did those in heterosexual couples. Explanations offered by heterosexual parents were most likely to refer to tradition, but those given by same-sex parents were more likely to mention egalitarian or practical considerations. Overall, we found that same-sex and other-sex couples took very different approaches to the problem of naming themselves and their children.     

Development of the Gay and Lesbian Relationship Satisfaction Scale

This article describes the development and evaluation of the Gay and Lesbian Relationship Satisfaction Scale (GLRSS) as a measure of individuals' gay and lesbian same‐gender relationship satisfaction and social support. Clinicians and researchers administer relationship satisfaction scales to persons in gay and lesbian relationships with a heteronormative assumption that scales developed and validated with opposite‐gender couples measure identical relationship issues. Gay and Lesbian couples have unique concerns that influence relationship satisfaction, most notably social support. Using online recruitment and data collection, the GLRSS was evaluated with data from 275 gay and lesbian individuals in a same‐gender relationship.     

Out of the Darkness: Three Waves of Family Research and the Emergence of Family Therapy for Lesbian and Gay People

Like family relationships themselves, the history and treatment of lesbian and gay people and their families is complicated. For this paper, three waves of research on the families of gay and lesbian individuals are described. During the first wave, gay and lesbian sexual orientation was seen as a disease and family dynamics were blamed for its genesis. Subsequently in the second wave it was believed that, fearing rejection many gay and lesbian people either distanced or were rejected from their own families and established friendship networks that have been described as families of choice. More recently, in the third wave, the family has been identified as a resource for lesbian and gay youth whereby open relationships with parents can help protect them from mental illness, substance abuse, and HIV risk. Furthermore, an increasing number of same-sex couples are choosing to become parents, overcoming biological and social obstacles. In this article these shifting views of the role of family in the lives of lesbian and gay people will be described along with case material that illustrates the historic influences, current developments and future directions of family treatment for this population. To be maximally effective with gay and lesbian people and their families, clinical social workers and other mental health professionals must understand how family therapy has been influenced by a progression of ideas that continue to evolve. In this paper, research examining the role of the family in the lives of lesbian and gay people will be described in three waves; as a source of blame, to an impediment to gay and lesbian happiness and ultimately a resource that can enhance lesbian and gay well-being. The influences of research on family therapy with this population will be described and case examples will demonstrate how to harness the strengths of family relationships identified in the most recent wave.     

Sexual coercion in gay male and lesbian relationships: Predictors and implications for support services

Numerous studies have documented the prevalence of forced sex in heterosexual couples. Positive effects of this research include increases in awareness about the problem among helping professionals and the public, as well as increases in support services and prevention programs. However, no research has been done on sexual coercion in gay male and lesbian relationships, and few support services exist. Therefore, this study is an investigation of the prevalence and correlates of coercive sex in gay male and lesbian relationships. Participants were 36 women and 34 men who were in gay or lesbian relationships. The results indicated that 12% of the gay men and 31% of the lesbians reported being victims of forced sex by their current or most recent partners. The higher reporting rate among women may be due to greater awareness of issues pertaining to sexual abuse, and greater likelihood of identifying various forms of coercion as force. For men, being a victim of forced sex was generally associated with being a victim of other forms of violence. For both sexes, victims of forced sex believed that it would be relatively difficult to get counseling. Implications for support services are discussed.     

Same sex couples and marriage: negotiating relational landscapes with families and friends

Focusing on the decision to enter into a marriage and/or to conduct a commitment ceremony, this paper explores how same‐sex couples negotiate their relationships with both family and friends at the point at which they make decisions about who to invite to their ceremony. The ceremony is argued to be a ‘fateful moment’ at which point lesbians and gay men necessarily take stock of relationships which are meaningful to them. It is argued that the data from the qualitative interviews on which this paper is based add to the on‐going debates about the meaning and significance of both (given) families and (chosen) friends for same‐sex couples and suggests that it is sociologically important to recognise both the blurring of the boundaries between these categories as well as the meanings that individuals themselves bring to an understanding of the significance of these relationships.     

Relationship,Social, and Individual Well-Being in Italian Male Same-Sex Couples

This study aimed at investigating Italian male same-sex couples’ attitudes, behaviors, and emotions regarding their own well-being. The study involved included 60 couples, and utilized semistructured interview and subsequent content analysis based on Grounded Theory methods. Findings identified several themes, including recurrent high relationship quality; frequent rejection by members of the family of origin, especially the mother, contrasted by strong support from the “family of choice”; perception of stereotypes and prejudices against same-sex relationships; and feelings of non-acceptance by Italian society, reflected by the lack of sociocultural and legal support and recognition. Despite these difficulties, many of these Italian gay men were able to form durable and satisfying relationships with high levels of well-being.     

Gay and Lesbian Couples at Home: Identity Work in Domestic Space

ABSTRACT

Social research into gay/lesbian experiences of home has tended to posit domestic environments as alienating for gay/lesbian subjects, silencing their sexual identities. Meanwhile, work on the spatiality of sexual identity more broadly has largely focused on individuals or communities, not couples or households. In this context, this article aims to recover the importance of home for gay/lesbian couples. I explore how cohabiting gay/lesbian couples generate shared identities through domestic space, examining various ways in which these couples use homes to establish and consolidate their partnerships. Empirical data is drawn from twenty-three in-depth interviews with gay/lesbian Australians who are cohabiting, or have cohabited, with a long-term partner. The sample is largely limited to white, educated, middle-class gay men and lesbians living in urban Australia, providing an ethnographic window into the domestic identity-formation of a particular community of practice. Four key themes regarding “coupled identities” at home emerged from the interviews: (i) the importance of privacy and control at home for enabling gay/lesbian partnerships; (ii) the negotiated creation and use of shared domestic spaces; (iii) the accumulation and arrangement of household objects in those domestic spaces; and (iv) the importance of maintaining separate “personal” spaces for each partner for the well-being of the relationship.