On Becoming a Good Enough Stepmother

Studies have shown that conflict over parent–child relationships are frequently at the root of stepfamily dissolution and that the stepmother/daughter relationship is the most problematic stepfamily relationship. This paper explores the stepmother–daughter relationship in the family where the biological mother is an active parent and discusses the unique challenges and internal conflicts that the stepmother confronts on entry into the family and its web of preexisting relationships and transferences. “An internal parental stance” which underlies “good enough” stepmothering is conceptualized and the complex psychological processes which underlie this achievement are explored in this paper along with implications for clinical strategies. The term good enough stepmothering is a play on Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother—the maternal figure whose attunement to her child enables her to adapt appropriately to her child’s stage of life thus allowing an optimal environment for the child’s development.