THE SYSTEMIC TREATMENT OF SHAME IN COUPLES

Shame remains largely a hidden phenomenon in the treatment of couples. It can manifest itself as a determining factor in events ranging from entrenched blaming to missed appointments. Although there is a growing body of literature on individual shame dynamics and, to a lesser extent, on couple and family shame dynamics, there is little written on how to incorporate these theories into treatment. This paper offers working definitions of shame, proposes a systemic definition of shame as seen in couples, reviews the literature on coule shame dynamics, and explores issues of therapeutic stance and treatment techniques in working with shame in couples therapy.