Marital Therapy: Toleration of Differentness

This paper presents a way of understanding marriage and marital therapy in terms of Satir's concept of differentness. One important impetus toward marriage is the individual's need to feel complete through emotional fusion with the spouse. Individuals choose marriage partners who will give them a sense of completion. Marital balance is sought around the fulcrum of this need for unity. Any disturbance to the myth of unity of the two partners is seen as a personal threat by each. Marital balance or homeostatis is a way the partners disguise the unique differentness of each. Acknowledgement of the differentness and separateness of the other is seen as a threat to the self. The task of therapy is to help partners recognize and tolerate the differentness of the other.