For the love of the children: the coming out process for lesbian and gay parents and stepparents

This research investigated the coming out decision and process for 23 lesbian and gay custodial stepfamilies. We argue that lesbian and gay stepfamilies represent a unique type of family, distinct from heterosexual stepfamilies and from lesbian and gay families who have children within the context of a lesbian or gay relationship. The coming out process is one developmental challenge that distinguishes lesbian and gay stepfamilies from these other types. Through interviews with both lesbian and gay parents and stepparents we explored their coming out process to significant others: the children, families of origin and ex-spouses. We discuss those factors influencing the decision and the consequences that developed in light of these decisions. Findings show that the coming out process for lesbian and gay co-parents is a flexible and familial one, primarily influenced by and centered around the needs of the children.