| Abstract: | This paper presents an extramarital relationship as an experience of self-enhancement, not of pathological conflict. It will suggest that the simultaneous relationship with the lover AND an empathically attuned therapist can be healing for the patient. It is seen as often an opportunity for essential developmental needs to be fulfilled when damaging failures in the bond between child and caretaker have restricted the vitalizing atmosphere of mutual influence that results in unrecognized subjectivity. Rather than viewed as a reality-escaping midlife enactment, these relationships can be better thought of as efforts to revisit the traumatic experiences that have created the organizing patterns that have limited a patient's self-development. An extramarital affair is often about yearning and loss and the freedom to enact one's own desire. |
